It’s paradoxical: leaders want to learn, advance, and make successful decisions. At the same time, many of us underutilize one of the most powerful tools for advancing ourselves and our companies, discovering blind spots, and gaining complementary perspectives: feedback. Feedback is the lifeblood of growth. However, studies show that many managers are ill-equipped to deal with critical feedback. In this article, we outline the three causes: ignorance, complacency, and fear of hurt. We also present an initial approach to solving the problem.
Various studies show that the majority of managers are poorly equipped to give and receive feedback. For example, in employee performance reviews, harmony-oriented managers rarely address critical issues or only do so indirectly. Impulsive or intolerant managers, on the other hand, react aggressively and hurtfully to mistakes or poor performance.
The majority of leaders express difficulty in responding constructively to criticism.
A study by Leadership IQ (2017) comes to the alarming conclusion that only 45% of employees at various companies in the US and Canada say that their leaders always or mostly respond constructively to work-related problems. This gap between the business need for productive feedback loops on the one hand and the lack of feedback fitness on the other continues to widen with the following fact: 55% of respondents never or rarely receive encouragement from their manager when they make suggestions for improvement. Companies that switch to agile methods are finding that this shortcoming is becoming even more obvious and painful. The effect is that employees express themselves less explicitly and do not report pain points or opportunities for improvement to their boss. As a result, employees feel less connected to their company and are more susceptible to external offers. Turnover increases, which is not conducive to productivity or a strong team spirit.
Three reasons: ignorance, complacency, and fear of being hurt.
Why do many leaders struggle to accept sincere praise and deal constructively with criticism? Here are the three main reasons:
- Ignorance – the easy way out: Leaders with several years of experience – from executives to team leaders – develop a stable self-image. However, since none of us can see our own face, gestures, and, above all, our own hidden patterns, we live with blind spots. To counteract this, we need to be willing to look in the mirror and reflect on ourselves. This takes time, courage, and the willingness to question ourselves. However, many leaders take the easier route, ignoring the mirror as much as possible and focusing on technical issues. This is diametrically opposed to a constructive feedback culture.
- Complacency: Positive feedback such as a compliment, praise, or a gesture of appreciation can be interpreted either as an attempt to ingratiating approach or as a warm-up tactic before an impending counterattack. This causes the recipient to keep a low profile and remain on the defensive. It is also often the case that many managers have a strong sense of self-image and self-confidence. Praise is then dismissed with a smug remark such as “That’s obvious…” or “I don’t need any caresses.”
- Self-protection – fear of hurt: In “Thanks for the Feedback,” New York Times bestselling authors Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen show that the core problem in dealing with critical feedback is our defense mechanism. We don’t want to be hurt. Regardless of whether we receive a well-intentioned suggestion for improvement, a critique of our actions, a comment on our leadership style, or even an open attack, critical feedback often makes us feel insecure. Even if the feedback comes from a positive intention, there is a risk that it will trigger a basic fear within us. Leadership expert Richard Barrett aptly summarizes our fears in the following three beliefs: “I don’t have enough” (need for financial and material security), “I am not accepted” (need for connection and acceptance), and “I am not good enough” (need to be needed and to perform).
Improving feedback fitness: How can I respond to feedback more confidently?
Once we become aware of these three tendencies—ignorance, complacency, and self-protection—we can ask ourselves honestly: To what extent does this apply to me? Am I ready and willing to strengthen my leadership skills? If we come to the conclusion that we want to improve our feedback fitness, we should ideally hire a trainer (executive coach) and develop a feedback training program. You will have the greatest impact on yourself, but also on the organization, if you become more confident in receiving feedback. The following two questions will help you develop a personal fitness plan:
- Which leadership behaviors do I want to improve? And who should give me feedback on this?
- What is my usual reaction when I hear critical feedback? How could I respond in a more effective/constructive way?
If we become better recipients of feedback, comments such as “He really listens to me,” “She took my criticism seriously,” or “My suggestion is now being implemented in other departments” will be heard more often in our environment in the future.
